


Dear August

by LadyKnightEllen



Category: Wonder - R. J. Palacio
Genre: Bullying, Future Fic, Middle School, Post-Canon, Redemption, redeemed julian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21526723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyKnightEllen/pseuds/LadyKnightEllen
Summary: Several years after the events of 'Wonder' an older, and much wiser Julian tells his story and how his experiences led him to where he is today.P.S. If you have not read the companion novella to Wonder ‘The Julian Chapter’ this story will not make sense, so I would encourage you to read that first.
Kudos: 15





	Dear August

"Hello Mr. Albans, It's wonderful to finally meet you in person. I'm Joy Howard, the principal her at Rowan Prep." She gestured me to a chair and took a seat at her desk.  
"It's a pleasure to meet you as well. Thank you so much for considering me for this position. It really is an honor." I said as I sat down. It felt strange to sit in a principal's office as an equal, a colleague. It created such a confusing mix of emotions as memories of childhood visits to the Principal's office came unbidden to my mind. I almost forgot where I was and what I was supposed to be doing for just a moment.  
"This interview is just a formality really, based on our conversations over the phone, I think you're a great fit for the position, I just wanted to get to know you a little better and find out a little more about what made you want to be a middle school counselor. It says on your resume that you specialized in child psychiatry and that you've been working mostly with middle school aged children for a little over a year already. I'd like to know what got you interested in child counseling in the first place and what made you want to transition from a private practice to a school setting?" I had known that this question was probably going to come up, and I had planned out my answer already. What I was going to say was a brief overview of the experiences that helped my realize my calling and later spark my decision to move from a private practice to a middle school, but in a split second, I decided to tell her the whole truth.  
"Mrs. Howard, I'd like to tell you a story, It's kind of a long one, but it's the only way I can think of to answer your question without being untruthful." She didn't respond immediately, and I couldn't quite read the expression on her face, it was a bit puzzled I suppose, but she also seemed to understand a great deal.  
"Tell me whatever you need to tell me" She said with a soft smile. "And please, call me Joy."  
"Thank you so much Joy. Before I start I want you to understand that I'm not proud of some of the things I'm about to tell you, and it would be a lot easier for me to give you a watered down version of the truth, but I can't, the experiences that led me to this moment, have shaped me into the man I am today, and they are the very reason I am sitting in front of you right now." She nodded at me and silently gave me a small understanding smile. "During the short time I’ve been working as a counsellor, and even before that, I've noticed a single common thread for nearly every child I've talked to, especially the ones who have been sent to me by their teachers and school officials. I mostly deal with kids in situations of bullying and the one thing that nearly all of them have in common is that they feel like they are alone. They don't have an adult that they feel like they can trust that isn't their parents, and they generally won't talk to their parents even if they have the most supportive and nurturing family in the world. By the time a child is sent to see a specialist, whether they have been bullied, they are the bully, or they simply witnessed the events, things have gotten so bad that sometimes an entire school has gotten involved in a war that began with two or three students and a simple misunderstanding, or perhaps a single student that reacted badly to someone or something they didn't understand. It always starts with ignorance and prejudice, and no one really does anything until it has escalated so far that no one seems to be able to rectify the situation. I want to be able to talk to these kids, I want them to have someone to trust and talk to about the things that are troubling them. Does that make sense?"  
"It does, but I'm not quite sure what you meant when you told me that there were some things that you're not proud of in this story."  
"I haven't really gotten to that yet, technically, that was the answer to your question, but there's more to it. You see, I haven't seen these types of situations just during my time as a counselor. I lived them." A look of sympathy came over her face, and I knew what she was thinking, I'd seen it before. I have told this story a few times and every single time, they assume that I was bullied and that was what led me to become a counselor. Sometimes I'm tempted to stop talking and let them draw whatever conclusions they want because it's not technically untrue, it's just not the whole truth.  
"I know what you're thinking, but you've got it backwards. I was the bully." I wait just a moment to gauge her reaction, she seems surprised, maybe even a little shocked, but she doesn't stop me.  
"It all happened the year I started middle school, fifth grade at my school. Before the start of the year, the middle school director called my mother and asked if I would be willing to be a 'welcome buddy' to a new student that had previously been homeschooled. When I met the boy, I discovered that my mother had left out the part where the Director told my mother that the boy we were meeting had a facial deformity, you see my mother has a disturbing way of 'forgetting' things that make her uncomfortable. Later on in the year, she actually photoshopped this kid out of the class picture. " Joy's face is a mask of uncertainty, it's as if she doesn't know how to process the information she's being given.  
"So, what happened with this boy? You said you were the bully, was it him?"  
"Yes, it was him, I was terrible to him, and the worst part was, I didn't even think I was being all that mean. At first, no one really said anything about the way I treated him, in fact, a lot of them joined in and I thought I was awesome and popular. Little by little everyone began to realize how awful I was being and they started to turn on me. I was completely oblivious though, I blamed everything on that boy. In my mind, my friends had stopped hanging out with me because this boy and his friends had it in for me. I was convinced that it was all his fault, his best friend actually punched me in the face after I call the kid a 'freak' and I still didn't get it. On top of all that, my parents were worse, my behavior actually makes perfect sense when you know how much time and effort my parents put in to ignoring and explaining away all the horrible things that I did. I didn't truly understand the magnitude of it all until I stayed with my Grandmother over the summer. She put me in my place, and after talking with her, I sent the kid a letter apologizing for everything, and he actually called me and forgave me, I couldn't have been more surprised."  
"So what did your Grandmother tell you that made you change your mind?" I'm not sure at this point what she's thinking, but I can tell she's still trying to process everything. I must say that I've seen this look before too, but I don't usually tell them about Grandmeré’s story, I don't tell them about Her Julian, in fact, this is the first time anyone has actually asked me this particular question before and I'm not sure how to respond. I've never told anyone about my namesake and I don't think I can.  
"She told me a story that opened my eyes, but it's not mine to tell. I'm sorry."  
"It's alright, I understand, I'm glad you told me all this though, thank you. I do have one last question though, if you don't mind." I nodded for her to continue. "I just wanted to know when you actually decided to study psychology and become a counselor. If all of this happened in fifth grade, you had quite a while to decide on a career path before starting college."  
"I'm not really sure of the exact moment that I decided, I think it was an idea that slowly presented itself to me over the course of the next few years. I moved schools after fifth grade and the school I went to was really small, and everyone was already friends. I also discovered that someone from my old school was friends with someone from my new school, and they knew everything that had happened, except for the part where I apologized and he forgave me. It wasn't long before everyone knew all the terrible things I had done and I became a social pariah. I never even told my parents what happened, because I knew they would just blame it all on everyone else, but the truth is, I did all those things and even though I had apologized, I had to accept that and move on as best I could. I knew that I couldn't keep making excuses for everything and playing the victim."  
"But in this case, you were the victim, so what did you do about it?"  
"I know my actions didn't give those kids a right to treat me the way they did, but I also understood that I couldn't just expect them to trust me because they had no idea that I had changed, none of them had even been there for it, they only had second and third hand information. At first I was terrified, it felt like the world was against me, and I didn't know what to do, until Ms. Greene the school counselor found me in the courtyard at lunchtime. I had started bringing my lunch and eating out there since no one wanted to sit with me in the cafeteria. She had gotten wind of everything that was going on and she wanted to talk to me. We went to her office, and even though I was reluctant at first, I finally told her everything, start to finish, the only thing I left out was the story Grandmere told me. I must admit, I was in tears by the end of my tale and she sat quietly and listened the whole time, never interjecting, never scolding, and when I was done, she rolled her desk chair around and sat next to me. I had my head in my hands and I was crying so hard, and I asked her if this was what that boy felt like when I was being such a jerk. I don't remember exactly what she said to me after that, but, from that moment on, I knew I wasn't alone. It felt so good to know that someone cared about what I was feeling and that I could go and talk to her when I was having a hard time. She encouraged me to go and introduce myself to people, and tell them about myself. She told me to start by setting the record straight. These kids were treating me badly because of the things they had heard about me, even though most of it was true, the one thing that no one knew was that I was sorry for what I had done, she wanted me to tell them that. At first I thought she was crazy, but I finally plucked up the courage to try it and it worked. It didn't happen immediately and not with everyone, but I was actually able to form some genuine friendships just by being brave and telling the truth. So to answer your question, I pretty much knew that I wanted to study psychology and be a school counselor by the time I started High School, the only reason I did the private practice is because of my parents. When I told them what I wanted to do, they insisted that if I wanted to be a counselor, I could do it in a private practice, not in a school, because it wouldn't pay enough. I told them I didn't care about the money, and then they delivered their ultimatum, they wouldn't pay for my college unless I agreed to work in a private practice. I mulled it over for a few days and I had no choice but to give in, I hated myself for it, but I had already registered and been accepted and as long as they claimed me on their taxes I would never qualify for financial aid. I made it through school avoiding my parents as much as possible and when I graduated, my parents told me that they had already found a position for me with the counseling center that I had gone to as a child, I didn't know what else to do so I took the job and worked with them for the next year. A few months ago, I started looking for jobs at middle schools and high schools. I told my mother at Christmas that I was quitting the job she had found for me,and she lost it, we had a huge fight, I won't go into detail about everything that was said, but we haven't really spoken at all since then. Hopefully someday she'll come around, but regardless, I'm going to do what makes me happy." I know I gave Joy quite a lot to process and for a moment I was worried that I might have gone a little overboard. My concerns turned out to unfounded because after a few moments, she smiled at me.  
"I know that's probably much more information than you bargained for, but I had to tell the whole story. I needed you to know." Her smile didn't falter the whole time I was talking.  
"Julian Albans, I think you're going to be a perfect fit for Rowan Prep"

————————————

After the interview, Joy asked her assistant, Melody, to show me my office and then give me a short tour of the school. My office space turned out to be much bigger than I had expected, and when I mentioned this, Melody told me that it was actually a small classroom that had been divided in half; the other side was the storage area for the mobile laptop lab. As I surveyed the space I had been given, my mind began running a mile a minute with ideas. I wanted to make this feel like a place where a child could feel totally safe. I wanted anyone who walked through my door to know that this was a place where no one was going judge them, or talk down to them. I had almost forgotten that Melody was still standing there when she made a little coughing noise to get my attention. I have no idea what she thought I was doing, or if I was making some sort of weird face as I was lost in my thoughts, but she had enough tact to simply gesture to the door and suggest that we get on with the tour.  
The school was set up with a large open atrium filled with lockers and tables. A set of stairs at one end led down to the cafeteria, library, and gymnasium. The theatre and other fine arts classrooms were in a building that was mostly separate from the main building, and looked as if it had been added as an afterthought. The main atrium had several hallways leading off from it, each with a subject label.  
"We just renovated parts of the building" Melody said "The science labs were updated and got new equipment." We were walking through the science wing as she was telling me this and I'll be honest, I was only half listening. And then I saw it. My eye caught the name plate outside the door of one of the classrooms and I had to do a double take, surely I was making this up; but there it was plain as day, 'Mr. Pullman'. My mind was reeling, could August really be a teacher here? It seemed like far too much of a coincidence; but there it was right there on the door, 'Mr. Pullman'. I tried to convince myself that Pullman wasn't a terribly uncommon name, but something, call it a gut feeling, told me that this Pullman was exactly who I thought it was. I couldn't even begin to make sense of the myriad of emotions coursing through me at that moment, fear, guilt, confusion, and about a million others.  
"Um, Julian, Is everything alright?" Melody shocked me out of my reverie and I realized that I was standing there staring that the classroom door with my mouth hanging open like an idiot. I took a moment to remind myself that I was a grown man and I could handle whatever came my way like a mature adult. For a moment I thought about asking her about the science teacher, but I decided against it and settled for casually asking if I could take a look at all the new equipment for the labs. Melody chattered about all the new equipment and how prestigious their science program was, and I did my best to act casual as I made my way over to the teacher's desk in the far corner of the room. It didn't take long to confirm my suspicions; there was a framed diploma on the wall behind the desk 'presented to August Pullman'. A glance at the desk removed any further suspicion as soon as I saw the pictures. There was no mistaking the face I saw in those pictures, it was Auggie. One picture was from a wedding, the bride could only be his sister, they stood with their parents and the groom. The second was a picture of August and a beautiful redhead, they were locked in an embrace and they were looking into each other's eyes with unreserved adoration.  
"Julian" Melody had jerks me out of my snooping. "Is something wrong?"  
"No, No, I'm fine, really." My mind searches for a plausible explanation for why I'm standing here staring at these pictures, but I've got nothing. She seems to read my expression somehow, and her face softens.  
“It’s alright, don’t feel bad. He takes some getting used to.” It took me a minute to realize that she thought I was reacting to seeing Auggie’s face for the first time, and I decided not to enlighten her, and let her keep thinking that this is the first time I’ve seen him.  
I finished the rest of the tour in a daze, I’m not sure what Melody thought about this, but, to her everlasting credit, she pretended not to notice. 

————————————

For a brief moment, I considered backing out of the job offer and finding a position elsewhere, just run away and not have to deal with it, but I knew I had to stay. Running away from my problems is what got me into trouble in the first place all those years ago, and I decided back then that I wasn't going to let fear control me anymore. Grandmeré taught me better than that, she taught me that I should never make the same mistake twice. Thinking about her is what finally pulled me back to rationality, and I knew what I had to do, I knew what she would tell me to do. I took a moment to compose myself before finding August’s email address on the Rowan Prep website’s faculty page. After opening a blank email, I stared at the blinking cursor for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t have the slightest clue what I should say to him. I had not spoken to him since I sent that email from Grandmere’s house the summer after fifth grade, and even though I got his phone message, and he said he forgave me, I didn’t have any way of knowing how he really felt. I stared down at the keyboard and I realized that my hands were shaking.  
“Dude, pull yourself together!” I said to my reflection in the now darkened computer screen. “Just be honest” I told myself as I slowly forced my fingers to type.

Dear August,


End file.
